How to Handle Someone Who Insists on Going Over Your Head- The Muse

How to Handle Someone Who Insists on Going Over Your Head- The MuseHow to Handle Someone Who Insists on Going Over Your HeadIm by no means a shrinking violet. But I have, on multiple occasions in my career, come up against people who treat me like Im not important enough to work with them. And despite the fact that I usually feel pretty confident, this experience often leaves me a bit stunned.You know the people Im talking about, because youve probably come across them too. Theyre the ones who CC your boss on every email, who talk over you when you work one-on-one, or who dismiss your ideas before you even have a chance to get them out.Well, the good thing about handling these snobs (no wait, bullies no wait, difficult clients or co-workers) is that learning to work with them provides you with invaluable skills. For example, what to do the next time someone insists on escalating a conversation to your manager. Heres my three-step plan to dealing with someone like this.Step 1 Be Cryst al Clear on Your ResponsibilitiesIts very disempowering when someone tells you dont have the authority to work with him. I imagine that the only thing worse would be to find out later that he was right.If someone comes at you like she really ought to be speaking with your boss, its important that youre 100% certain that youre not, in fact, over-stepping. For example, I once had a role where part of my job was coalition-building. Before having coffee with a notoriously difficult member of the community, I sat down with my executive director and worked through the key points he wanted me to get across. During my meeting that afternoon, when I said that we shared certain goals, this part pushed back that I couldnt possibly speak on behalf of the organization. Because of my earlier discussion, I confidently stood my ground and cited the recent conversation with my teamberaterin as proof that I was indeed empowered to deliver this message.Step 2 Stand Up for YourselfIts upsetting to feel like someone else is saying that youre not worth his time. The lovely person I mentioned above also commented that it was inappropriate for me to reach out to her as there was someone at my level working beneath her in her organization.However, your boss hired you and gave you this project for a reason He knows you can do it Also, hed much rather his employees be allowed to do their jobs, rather than receive an extra 100 emails a day just because people want someone more powerful involved. So, be encouraged by your supervisors faith in you. And while you might feel offended, try to avoid being contentious when you push back. In other words, Actually, thats what they pay me for isnt going to help you build any bridges. You can get the same message across in kinder language such as, Actually, Jason asked me to run point on this project due to my experience in organizing community events and my track record in fundraising. Step 3 Be a TattletaleYes, you read that correctly. Ideally, w hen youre doing exactly what youre supposed to and you alert the other party to that fact, everyone proceeds to play nicely and get their work done.But thats not always how it works. Some people will keep disrespecting you, because in their world, its opposite day, and being rude to you will prove youre not up to the task- resulting in an automatic in with your supervisor.I appreciate that your first instinct is to handle this yourself, but if thats simply not working, you need to alert your boss. If its someone in-house, your boss will probably want to talk him or her through an organizational chart and lead a discussion on what does and doesnt need to be elevated. If its an external stakeholder, your boss may have a variety of ways she can smooth things over. She can chime in that shed love to take over, but as she is terribly busy, she wont be able to get to this persons urgent requests for several weeks. She can say that youve only said the most wonderful things about this other person and shes so glad to hear that things are moving along as swimmingly as she had hoped. Or, she can say that shed love to help, but as you are the expert, shell be consulting with you prior to each and every conversation because yours is the most valuable feedback of all.If your supervisor needed to handle a VIP project personally, he would. And if he gave it to you, its because he thinks youre the best person for the job. So, dont let someone elses poor attitude bring you down. Stay focused on doing the great job youre known for.Photo of frustrated man courtesy of Shutterstock.